just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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