Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
