On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
