I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
