It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
