yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
