Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize