i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You made out with two different species that night
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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