Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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