I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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