No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
