Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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