i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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