At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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