Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Will exercising make me less horny?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
