So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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