You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
