we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
