Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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