I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
