dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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