She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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