You can't special order awesome
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
