there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
