He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
