Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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