He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
