I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
no you cant smoke seaweed
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So apparently I’m into choking now
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
