I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
