my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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