I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize