So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
