I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
