They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
