It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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