The brown eye won't let me do that either.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
