As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize