you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
