Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
