Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
