if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
