I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
