If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
