I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
