He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
soo... how was my night?
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