I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize