Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.

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(740): View more from Ohio

You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.

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(585): View more from New York

My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on

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(970): View more from Colorado

The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.

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(515): View more from Iowa

Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.

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