so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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