Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
