After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
