you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
