i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you had me at cake vodka
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
