id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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