it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
