you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
