So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
