We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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