He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
