There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
