I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
