My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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