I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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