I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
