Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
