Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
as a side note pls kill me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
