Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
