I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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