I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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