This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
