This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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