this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
