did you get engaged???
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
