I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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