sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize