He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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