y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
