matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Ladies don't puke and tell
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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