Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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