Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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