Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
