I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I supernannyed him into submission
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
