fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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