My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
