Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize