I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
