textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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