Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
