I wish I could teleport
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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