i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
