a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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