what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
