I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
