phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
