If that was your dad, he is hot
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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