you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
