He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
