Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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