he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
