The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
