I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
