You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
