I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
