She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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