Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
even my farts smell like vagina
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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