For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
