You don't have asthma, your pregnant
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize