I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
