i need an iv and a liver transplant
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
