My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
