For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
