fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
