He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
