i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
