Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
