I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
