wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
