if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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